The disillusioned rants of a perennial daydreamer

Control

2009-09-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

Its funny, it occurred to me just recently that the word control is something we should all be familiar with. We see it in almost every facet of our lives. People trying to control things in their own respective lives, trying to control others, trying to control their environments, trying to control every aspect of their lives.

I believe there is such a thing called fate, and we are all bound to a specific destiny. But the way we get there is not spelled out. I guess you can say its something of a pseudo-fate. The end result is the same, i feel like we're all meant to do something with our lives, something great. But how we get there, thats the part where i call "life". But there are so many people out there and i see it everyday, so many people trying to control things that are: 1. Out of their sphere of control or 2. Just not worth the effort.

I know this, because I'm guilty of trying to control things in my life. We all are. We try to control how we feel, how we act, what we say and the things we do. Why is that? I can't speak for everyone else, as something so personal should only be reflected upon by ones own voice. So i'll speak for myself. I've learned from the past, things that work, things that don't work and things that cause more trouble then its worth. So i try to control what i say, how i feel and what i do so i can generate the same laudable result. One that is nice, safe and, for the most part, painless.

But the more and more I wrestled with the idea of control, the less and less i felt alive. I felt constrained. Clustered, frustrated and irate. Things would happen, and i know what i should do, how i should act and what i should say to save me the most amount of pain. But what i should do, what i should say and how i should feel is far from what i want to do, what i want to say and what i really feel. Whats going on here?

The honest answer is, yes. You can't help what you feel. You can't who you feel for, what you want to do and how you want to do it. The more and more you try to control these things that are outside your sphere, the more and more you put up blockers or walls to stop yourself from being that which you know inside to be true, the closer and closer you get to dying, Tthe further you are from the essence of life, which is to live. To feel. To Experience. To Fault. To Learn and more importantly, To Know. To know that what you feel inside isn't wrong, but instead the only thing you know to be true.

Its only when you render yourself from idea of control and let go, can you truly be forced to LIVE.

How then are we to proceed? am i supposed to walk blindly going only on impulse and feelings? What if i walk the wrong way? What if end up in more pain then I am in now? What then?

To be honest, i have no freaking idea. I don't know whats going to happen, no one does. I guess the only thing you can be sure of is how YOU feel, how you react and what you want to say. The rest? The rest i leave unto faith.

Yes, Faith. I said it. Faith.

Faith in man, Faith in Religion, Faith in humor and love, Faith in the Human Spirit, Faith in the All Mighty, Faith in life after death, Faith that there is something out there greater then us and the little squabbles we try so desperately to control, The pain we try so diligently to evade, in the end, mean absolutely nothing.

There are 2 things that will remain unequivocally mine for all time. My Identity and My Faith, these two things no one can ever take from you. Ever.

Try not to lose them, they're both so very fragile if you don't know where to look to find them.

Conservation of [insert property of real life]

2009-08-28T10:57:00.001-07:00

I guess you can call me a scientist of sorts. For the most part, while i don't always agree to the scientific methods when used to explain certain aspects of the perceived world around us, i find it applicable in most cases.

"The Conservation Law states that particular measurable property of an isolated physical system does not change as the system evolves." In other words, the system remains, at a net, the same. What you put in, is what you get out, and vice versa. Thus, the law of physics are conserved. No Freebies here!

But this isn't always the case. A friend of mine works his ass off, puts in a lot at work. But doesn't get back nearly what he puts in.

But the most prevalent case of the conservation law not always holding true is in the area of human social interaction. Friendships, Relationships and basic interactions with people in general. You see, there is ALWAYS someone putting more into a relationship then they're getting out. I mean, the best case scenario is that both people involved in a relationship are both putting in equal amounts. That means they get out equal amounts and should be content with that.

But that is never the case. We want it to be, but it never is. There is always, and i mean ALWAYS, someone putting in waaaay more. Sacrificing way more, doing way more, thinking way more, and risking way more. Why is that? You see, this is where physics fails me and anthropology saves me.

In a study of social groups, there are 3 archetypes. Providers, Leaders, Accepters. Its like that in every social group known to man. The study of how people react in groups. There are always leaders, people who take charge and will mold a group. Lets forget them right now as they are not applicable to this discussion. Lets look at the Providers and the Accepters. Providers are the people in a social group that feel the need to be productive. They give, they risk and the put forth effort. Why? Because they understand the greater good of the social well being. The Accepters are those who know for a fact that the providers are doing more then they should and will accept the benefits of. They give less, risk less in terms of self preservation. The thought of "well, if that person is gathering food for the tribe, and im part of the tribe, and they're willingly doing it, then i can save my energy and time for when i need it". Look around you, in every group, in every society, in every social gathering, this will be absolute truth.

That is why there is ALWAYS someone putting in waaaay more then the other person in a relationship. Its human nature that mates will choose a "provider". Accepters will always gravitate towards someone who can "take care of them". Not just in the monetary means, but emotionally, physically, etc.

We all wish things were equal. We all wish the other person would give just as much, risk just as much, jump just as far off the cliff with us. But that is never the case. Ever.

Only those lucky enough to have met their true soulmate, aren't burdened with either looking back or looking forward in the constant struggle to either wait or catch up with someone.

I suppose its time

2009-08-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

I suppose its time for an update. Its been quite some time since my last post. Haha its not that anyone reads this so i figured posting now isn't that big of a deal.

Lets see what has been going on in my life. A lot actually. To be honest, too much to really put on here. So lets just say I'm doing as well as can be expected and, for better or worse, things are pretty much the same as they were when i decided to take a break from blogging.

I honestly don't know how long this blogging stint will last, a day, a week maybe even a month, who knows. Here to seeing how long i'll keep this up for this time around.

I leave you with a very personal quote that i find to be not only thought provoking, but funny enough, applicable to my life thus far:

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!"

Apply this to every aspect of your life: Love, Family, Work, Friend, Everything. "Know what you're worth" and don't let anyone, and i mean anyone, no girl, no boss, no friend, nobody tell you you're worth anything less.

A Temporary Reprieve

2009-06-05T00:16:00.000-07:00

It would seem that its been quite sometime since I've blogged. I guess blogging has lost a bit of luster in my eyes as of late. So, I think Ill put blogging on a back burner and take a sabbatical from putting my thoughts on this blog.

Till next time

~BANG!

See ya space cowboy

Finally

2009-04-23T18:34:00.001-07:00

Finally time to get away. Away from all the fake ass people, bullshit excuses and drama littered events.

Ahhh, a much needed break from all of it. Seriously, i might not come back.

Epic Fail.

2009-04-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

I woke up on wednesday like any other day. It wasn't super bright due to the overcast in my area, so naturally i woke up a bit later then usual. Its right around 8am. I get up out of bed like i usually do, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and looking very much like a hibernating bear that just woke for spring. Pretty routine if you ask me.

I turn and put my feet on the floor and immediately get up. Then, i immediately fall right back down.

What was this pain i was feeling. "wtf, happened?!" i asked myself as i grabbed my right ankle. Yeaup, you guessed it, i apparently sprained my right ankle.

Now, i know, i'm thinking the same thing, how in the world did i manage to sprain my ankle, when it was fine before i went to bed the night before? Beats the fuck outta me. Using my awesome powers of deduction, i figured it must have happened sometime into the night.

So lying there on floor in pain, i take a minute (yes, i just a minute between the pulsing pain of attempting to stand on a sprained ankle when i didn't know it was sprained to begin with) i take a minute to extrapolate some plausible explanations to this most dire of circumstances.

I have come up with 3 possible theories.

1. Aliens. Aliens came down when i was sleeping and surgically implanted the key to stopping interstellar war from breaking out. I have the all-spark lodged firmly in my right ankle.

2. Burglars. So a burglar must have broken into my place. Then looked around for stuff to steal. Noticing that i was not only poor, but of poor taste as well (who wants to steal a GIR plush anyways?) he then proceeds to take out his frustrations on my right ankle.

3. Ninja. I was dreaming of my intense ninja training in the mountains of Japan. Kick, punch, block! kick, punch, block! kick, punch, block! KICK....Aaaaahhhh!!!! I must have accidently kicked in real life when i dreamt i was kicking and some how kicked my bed board and thus spraining my ankle.

"mmmhmm, must be it!" i said to myself as i was lying there in utter pain from my ankle. I'm partial to theory 1 myself. But choose whichever one you like.

In the end, my ankle is stil busted, its now friday and i've been working from home for the past 3 days.

Epic Fail? Yes, of the most epic nature indeed.

as requested by Eva, my lack of win is truly disturbing...

Be Inspired.

2009-03-30T15:43:00.001-07:00

I few post back, I had posted about inspirational speeches that I saw in movies. Great speeches in their own right, but there is nothing more inspirational then the words of a real man speaking to real people in a real life instance.

This was a speech given to by Col. Tim Collins to some 800 troops of the Royal Irish Regiment before entering into Iraq. It was filmed for a BBC documentary.

Politics aside, i don't care what you feel is right or wrong about the war. I don't care why you think we're there or what we're doing. This speech isn't about that. Its about humanity.

After hearing this the first time, i was trembling. And every time i play it, it gives me goosebumps.

Prepare youself...for ultimate GEEKDOM!!

2009-04-01T18:43:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, summer movies! Nothing like going to the movies during a warm summer day to bring a sense of nostalgia back into your life. And this summer is gonna be awesome.

Here are the top 3 movies that i just HAVE to watch this summer. All GEEK, ALL NERD, ALL AWESOME! =)

Terminator: Salvation - The Legendary John Conner finally stops being a lil bitch needing to be saved to being the badass we had all hoped he would be. oohhh...yeaaaaah!!

Wolverine: Origins - Deadpool? Gambit?! ohhhh yeaaaah! Nothing like comic book goodness to just make you all giddy inside with awesomeness =)

Star Trek - This trailer is fucking EPIC. E-P-I-C, EPIC. Thats all i gotta say about that.

Haha are you as excited as i am? I sure hope so! =)

Friends

2009-03-24T13:26:00.001-07:00

I know, simple blog title huh? I've been spending a lot of time lately re-evaluating what it means to be friends. I guess to a lot of people it means a bunch of different things. Someone to do something with, someone to talk to, companionship, etc. Sure I get all of that and i agree and then some.

But what i don't get is how some people can say they're your friend, when they really aren't. Let me spell it out to you, as its a pet peeve of mine when people assume something of me.

1. You spend time with said friend cause you want to. You enjoy their company. Plain and simple. Its not a chore, its not an obligation, its not to get something out of it. No, its cause you like to be with them and you want to spend time with them.

2. If our "friendship" is based on a videogame. We're not friends. Its fine if i met you playing a videogame (WoW for instance) but if that's all that keeps us together, and without it we don't talk or hang out, then we ain't friends. Time spent playing a videogame online together does not, let me repeat this, does NOT constitute as a replacement for the real time spent with a friend. This goes for any and all games. (The only acceptable instance of this is if the person is far far away, then its generally accepted as a viable means to hang out and be with your friend)

3. If you ever ask me "oh how's work" or "how are you doing" or "whats going on your end" or any other rhetoric, then we're not friends. I will put forth a lot of effort to BE a PART of YOUR life. If you can't do the same and are forced to ask these questions cause you don't know whats going on in my life, then, we're not friends.

4. If you say, "I'm busy" all the time, then we're not friends. I can understand life is crazy and we're all busy, but because i want to (see #1) see you and hang with you, i will MAKE the time. If you're "busy" all the time, then it shows where i lie. Please don't make hanging with me a chore or obligation for you, that is disrespectful and degrading, if you feel you "HAVE" to chill with me, I'd rather you not come out. Not that its a bad thing, its your life, but don't perceive to call me your friend if you can't put in the work that a friendship takes.

Not that I'm super awesome (I totally am not) and you need to abide by these rules to be my friend, i figured most of these are common sense and for the most part generally accepted as considerate.

A friendship is like any relationship (romantic, platonic, etc) it takes work to build and grow with whoever you CHOOSE to spend time with. If it happens that you don't want to spend time with me, cool. But be man enough to admit we're acquaintances and not friends.

Happy Friday!

2009-03-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

Well, its Friday. Yes, finally friday! To be honest, I haven't really enjoyed a friday in a while. I mean, it just means the start of the weekend, which is great, but it also means I have more time to be lost in my own thoughts. Haha, and you would think that would be a good thing right? Nah, not really, at least not for me recently.

But its funny how things work out. I mean everything. One minute you're in disarray about how certain aspects of your life have come tumbling down in a crushing downward spiral. You're just completely lost about how you're supposed to go about getting out of this hole you've dug for yourself. You claw, climb and try to force your way out, getting more frustrated each time you failed to get out.

You get lost in your own misery. We've all been there. The hole somehow gets deeper. The problem has now manifested itself into epic proportions. You're even more lost.

But its funny how things work out. You stand there, close your eyes, and without doing anything different, it just comes to you. It hits you like a bullet train in to the crotch. You don't know how this happened, but it just does. Its funny how things work out. You open your eyes. The hole seems to be a little less deep. Day by day the hole, your problem, slowly gets more and more shallow.

You stand there on even ground, doing nothing more then you did before, except this time, the problem is so shallow you wonder how you ever let it grow that big in the first place. You try to figure out just what you did to get out of it.

Sometimes its all in your head. And its funny how that works out sometimes.

Sing it out

2009-03-19T14:51:00.001-07:00

Wow, i heard this song on the radio today while driving into work, and i couldn't help but sing along. This is a damn fine song.

Oh shit, Wez in dA FEW-CHA!!

2009-03-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

I just saw this on recent news. This is fucking awesome! Its a flying car fer crying out loud! i mean....thats like back to the future shit right here!

Of course I did a google search and found a wiki on it, here's an excerpt:

"The Transition "Personal Air Vehicle" is expected to be released in late 2009. The estimated purchase price is $194,000.[1] Owners will drive the car from their garage to an airport, and then they will then be able to fly within a range of 100 to 500 miles. It will carry two people plus luggage and will operate on a single tank of regular unleaded gas.[2]

The Transition made its maiden flight on March 5th 2009.[3] It lasted 37 seconds and covered 3000 feet of the runway at the Plattsburgh International Airport. The test pilot then proceeded to make 6 more takeoffs and landings.[1]"

Think about how cool that would be, to fill up a tank of regular gas, drive to SJC airport, fucking take the fuck off right? and then fly out to saaay...socal! i mean...thats fucking coool!

haha oh man...the Few-ChA is Hurrr!!!

Sometime around midnight.

2009-03-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

Took the thoughts right outta my head.

And it starts, sometime around midnight.
Or at least that’s when you lose yourself
for a minute or two.
As you stand, under the bar lights.
And the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while.
And the piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile.
And that white dress she’s wearing
you haven’t seen her for a while.

But you know, that she’s watching.
She’s laughing, she’s turning.
She’s holding her tonic like a cross*.
The room’s suddenly spinning.
She walks up and asks how you are.
So you can smell her perfume.
You can see her lying naked in your arms.

And so there’s a change, in your emotions.
And all these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind.
Of the curl of your bodies,
like two perfect circles entwined.
And you feel hopeless and homeless
and lost in the haze of the wine.

Then she leaves, with someone you don’t know.
But she makes sure you saw her.
She looks right at you and bolts.
As she walks out the door,
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes.
Oh and when your friends say,
“What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Then you walk, under the streetlights.
And you’re too drunk to notice,
that everyone is staring at you.
You just don’t care what you look like,
the world is falling around you.

You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You know that she’ll break you in two.

A past life.

2009-03-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

"Why do you do it?"
"Damn, that's a lot of work, isn't it?"
"Its expensive, dirty and dood, i won't lie to you, you smell like shit when you get back."
"Ew" The expression when people see the scars on my body.

I used to get that a lot.

I don't think anyone outside can ever tell you why we do what we do. Hell, not even some of the players know why they do it. But something drives you.

You see, outside the netted field, I'm nothing more then your run of the mill guy. I live a rather normal life, I work a normal techie job and i do what most people my age would do.

But once you step through the net. You're something else. For the next 3 minutes or so, nothing else matters. The only thing you care about is whats in your hand, whats on your back and who's trying to stop you.

"10 Second silent count down!"

I gather my breath. I try to stop my heart from pounding through my chest. I go through my game plan checklist in my head. I remind myself that this is just a game and that i should calm down. It never works cause its never just a game. My body wants to just take off. I use everything in my mind to stop my body from flying forward.

"GO GO GO!"

Everything blurs out in my vision, like my body is moving faster then my mind can handle. The only thing i see that is in focus is a 4 foot tall air balloon. I feel them, I hear them. Paintballs whizzing by my head. A couple bounce off my shoulder and leg. My body goes down as i slide my way behind the bunker.

For a second everything is still blurry. I take in a deep breath and let the adrenalin subside.

Time to get to work.

What seemed like minutes has only been about 15 seconds. In the following minutes, I will feel more alive then most people have all month.

Passion. Thats why.

I can't sleep

2009-03-03T03:30:00.000-08:00

Its 3:30am right now. Its raining so hard that the sound of the water beating against my bedroom window is loud enough to keep me awake.

I forgot how nice it is to just sit here and stare out the window and daydream a bit. Its nice to just slow things down sometimes.

A day in my shoes, well sorta.

2009-02-25T19:58:00.000-08:00

So I was talking to a few friends of mine and they had mentioned that they has saw the movie "Grandma's Boy". If you haven't checked it out yet, I implore you to do so! Its an awesome movie and gives a pretty good look into game development at a studio. I mean everything from the challenges in the game room, to the overly decorated cubes to the eccentric and almost strange game designers, its all pretty close to the environment that I work in.

Here's the trailer, seriously, go check it out:

So my friends got to asking me if my cube was anything like that, to which i responded (in a ultra geeky and uber elitist way, mind you) "Pfft, damn right it does!" haha okay i didn't do the uber geek-elitist thing, but i should have!

If you were standing in the middle of cube and did a 360, this is what you'll see. I know cause I totally just did the 360 with my phone to take these pictures haha >_< Sorry for the crappy pics as my phone is kinda old.

Unfortunately i don't have my other monitor that i usually watch japanese soaps..err..anime on cause I brokeded it and IT has to get me another one >_<

Food for the soul.

2009-02-23T22:32:00.000-08:00

I heard this on the radio today and i just can't get it out of my head. Its something i would play for someone as they woke up..

Enjoy =)

I did it for love.

2009-02-19T20:41:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend was Valentines Day weekend and of course for those of us who are fortunate enough to spend them with the ones they want to be with, a very special day indeed.

But not all of us are so lucky to spend it the one they truly want to be with. As was this case this past weekend. No, I'm not talking about my own desires to be with someone, but my friend's.

It was the Friday before Valentines day. I was driving to lunch with a co-worker of mine heading to Jersey Joe's for a "damn its Friday and payday!!" lunch with the rest of the guys at work.

"Hey man, you play a musical instrument right?" he asks.

"Haha yeah, a bit. I'm not very good though."

"What do you think about playing music for a girl?" he asks, to which i replied, "haha, i think its awesome man, if it comes from the heart and shes deserving of it, then fuck yeah, play your heart out bro!"

He tells me of this girl that he wants to play this song for. Shes clear across the country and they can't spend it together like he had hoped. They're not together but I get the feeling, if either of them would change that, he would. He asks me about what i play and if I've ever played for anyone.

"I have, but I'm not sure if any of them were really the ones i should have been playing for haha" i said sheepishly.

"I just wish i could play better or at least play and sing"

"So long as you mean the lyrics you're singing, it won't matter how you sound man, she'll love it. If you want, you can drop by my place tomorrow. We can lay down a track and I can try and help where i can with your song."

"For reals? Daaamn, that would be awesome, thanks man!"

I don't know why i offered. I mean historically, every instance in which i played for someone (and meant it) have gone up in fire and smoke, and considering the mental and emotional state i was in, i almost immediately regret offering to help.

Shit, this is gonna suck, I'm barely able to deal with my own issues and here i am playing background music and fills to help someone profess his love to a girl on valentines day, of all days. **sigh** I should not have said anything...

But watching him put everything he had into this I was reminded of how once did that. You ever tried reaaaaaly hard to make something imperfect, perfect? Thats how it is when you play for someone. You're sitting here, fingers ripped up, lyrics etched into your head and the only thing you can hear is the imperfections of your own playing and voice.

We must have spent HOURS on a 1:13 clip of his song. But i didn't mind. Not at all, i was happy to do it. Shit, its all about putting yourself out there. You don't know how the other person is gonna react. They might hate it, love it or they might not care. The only thing you know is that at this point, right here, you're at your most honest.

I couldn't be happier to help someone in that pursuit of perfection. Sure i wanted to be with someone that day and if things were different, I'd be playing a song for that person. But you know what, I think this is where i was supposed to be, i was supposed to be here helping someone obtain what we all wish we had more of: Courage.

I did it for love and if given the chance, I'd do again and again.

Reflection.

2009-02-12T00:06:00.000-08:00

Its midnight and I'm sitting here waiting for this damn Nyquil to do what its supposed to do. "The night time Sneezing, blah blah blah so you can rest medicine" my ass. Maybe I should have taken a double dose if I'm looking to get knocked out. In any case, I'm not feeling all that great and i got to thinking, "damn, how did I end up here of all places i could have been tonight, how is it I'm here, sick in bed?"

Its been a month since it happened, to the day actually. I was just growing used to sleeping at 4-5 and waking up a 8:30. Its not like i could have slept if i wanted to, right? I mean its not like i didn't try, i would just lie in bed listening to music till about 4ish when i would finally get to sleep. I mean, at first it was cause she was on my mind, i won't lie about that, but recently its become more of a habit then anything.

But i guess those sleepless nights finally caught up with me. I figured my body wasn't going to allow me to go keep on doing this, to get 1/2 a nights proper sleep and then end up drinking and going out on the weekends and doing it all over again come monday. It finally caught up with me. My body crashed and said, "Fuck this and fuck you man!"

So, here I am, lying in bed and listening to music and staring out the window, i have a great view of the trees in the street from where my head is when I'm lying down on my bed and i got to thinking. Damn, is this where i imagined myself to be a month ago? Shit this is pretty fucked up.

Not that many people get to me like she did. It was probably cause i didn't stop her, like i normally do with others, from getting to know me. She had a one way pass into the deepest parts of my mind and soul. A pass I haven't given to anyone in over 7 years. Not to say, now since things have gone south, i regret it. I don't, well thats not entirely true, I should say, I didn't. Cause i do now.

I'm not an easy person to get to know and i make especially hard for girls. I guard myself well. Understandably so, as with most people who have been in a world of hurt would. But with her, I thought she was different. Maybe its time to let someone in, maybe she's the way she is cause she's gonna be the one to finally "get you", to finally understand you. So i took a chance, and let down the walls that i've spent so many years to put up.

Was she different? No, she wasn't. Was she worth it? Ultimately, no, she wasn't. Would i have said otherwise if things worked out? Sure, but since they didn't, this is how i feel about it. I am physically and emotionally beat up. There is nothing left for me that i haven't felt or gone through. Had it worked out, it would have been all worth it. But since it didn't, I'm left with nothing but a broken body and an even worse off heart. So for you to ask anyone in my position "if they regret it" the answer is an outstanding yes.

So here I am, sick and in bed, thinking about how i got here. How the decisions i made and the paths that i took lead me to here, this point right now. I guess its a good thing, that my body finally crashed. It finally forced me to rest, it finally forced me to reflect on this situation. This wasn't just a physical crash so much as it was a mental and spiritual one. Having been forced to reflect upon it, i think, like my body, its time to recover.

Its time to get better. Its time to close this chapter of my life. I don't think you'll ever get a chance to read this and to be honest, i could care less if you do or don't. I think my body and mind has been through enough. Its time to pick myself up off the floor and look to better days.

Rest assured that this will be the very last i will speak of you. Whether or not thats a good thing, remains to be seen, but at least its a step in a different direction.

Would I be out of line?

2009-02-04T15:27:00.000-08:00

Come on! Jump!

2009-02-03T15:11:00.000-08:00

Anime is pretty big part of my life and has been for a loooooong time. I remember watching Akira with my bro when I was a kid and after that its been a pretty awesome ride.

My humor, mannerisms, daydream nature and even hopeless romanticism are all taken from anime (and a bit of Japanese soaps...those damn girls are so fucking cute... >_< )

Haha last night, I was doing my usual youtube search to see whats on I can watch while I work. haha yeaup! I'm a model employee, but i need to feel comfy if I'm to be really efficient at work, otherwise I'll just daydream all day. So! The best way for me to feel comfy is to emulate home. That means having either: Anime, Movie, Japanese Soaps or music playing in the background while i work.

Haha I know, dorky and geeky, but it really helps me think. I hate silence. I can't even sleep in silence. I always have my ipod going or i fall asleep to the TV, i guess it helps keep my mind off of the silence and instead on winding down.

Haha so i started my youtube search and I started playing anime/j-pop songs and I was just head bobbing my way to awesomeness as I was working. I mean, what better way to get pumped then to listen to awesome music from anime!

So! Here are some of my favorite anime songs. These are of the badass type, I'll post some of my favorite songs of the softer kind next time. But these are the ones i get pumped up with and rock out to at work! (I'm a nerd, i told you)

Naruto - 2nd Opening - Asian Kung-Fu Generation "Hakuna Karata"

Gundam Seed - 4th Opening - Nami Takami "Realize"

Full Metal Alchemist - 2nd Opening - L'arc en Ciel "Ready,Steady,Go!"

Gate Keepers - 1st Opening - Yumi Matsuzawa "Asu no Egao no Tame ni (For the Smiles of Tomorrow)"

One Piece - 6th Opening - d-51 "Brand new world"

Ranma 1/2 Movie: Big Trouble in Nekonron China - Rabbit Lyrics "Its Love"

Round 1....FIGHT!!

2009-02-02T15:17:00.001-08:00

If you've ever been to my place, the first thing you notice (besides the awesome smell of cranberries, haha its my candles...) are my arcades in my living room. haha yeaup, i got 2 arcades in my living room, located under my stairs. Many a night have been spent there beating each other up on street fighter 3, or playing vert shooters and screaming at the bastardly hard Ibara.

I grew up in an arcade driven gaming world. I mean, we had our nintendo and segas home systems, but there was never anything quite like going to the arcades and going against other people, or sitting down with your friends and blowing an entire week's worth of lunch money on X-men and vowing to see the last boss Magneto (seriously, i think i gave up most if not all my lunch on that infernal machine...)

With Street Fighter 4 coming out soon, most people will be playing it at home and online. Well..i say, to hell with that! Come meet me and the local game stop...

why?

**plays eye of the tiger** ohh...its ooooon!

Oh...My....

2009-02-02T12:44:00.000-08:00

Alright, I'm gonna lay it down for everyone. I am a nerd. Yeaup, a certified card carrying nerd. Not only am I a nerd, but i am a child of the 80's and a kid of the 90's. I grew up watching stuff like Transformers and TMNT (only true nerds use that) and yes, even the dungeons and dragons cartoon.

So when i saw this yesterday, during the superbowl party at my place, all the chatter around me died out. Yes, i was glued to the TV for 32 seconds. It was like i was a kid again watching one of my favorite shows, cept this time, my favorite characters are real life badasses.

Feast your geeky eyes on this!

oh... my.... fucking snake eyes is sooo badass! and the baroness? HAWT!

Tickle me excited!

Funny isn't it?

2009-01-29T17:20:00.001-08:00

She used to ask me to play for her. She wanted to hear me at my most vulnerable, bearing my soul for her to see, since I didn't play for just anyone.

I would always say, "Next time, I'll play for you." thinking I had all the time in the world to "wow" her when it mattered.

Funny how i didn't play for her then, and now? I can't stop playing for her.

Except, this time, she isn't here to listen.

Inspiration

2009-01-27T01:44:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like good music. I link a lot of music on my blog, haha probably too much by some people's standards, but I go ahead and link it anyways. Music is..well shit, i can't even explain it in proper terms. I mean, have you ever sat there and felt a certain way, be it happy, sad, melancholy or even angry, and having no way to properly describe it? I mean, even the most eloquent of people must have a hard time putting down what or how they feel sometimes, right?

I dunno about you, but i feel like that a lot. I mean despite reading quite a bit, sometimes i just can't put down how or what I'm feeling into words. Most of the time it comes out as jibberish and thats if i'm lucky! But no, not with music. Have you ever felt that certain way and a song comes up and it strikes a chord with you? Like at that moment, you were meant to listen to it, like it was written for you and the lyrics that came out of the speaker emulated your feelings better then anything else you could have or would have ever done?

Thats how it gets me. Music. Thats how it strikes a chord with me and stays in my head. The music that i like and that i relate to always have lyrics that mean something to me. It hits a note with me on a different level then just sounding pleasant.

Here are a few of my favorite live performances that, I hope, strike a chord with you.

I've had the honor of seeing all of these artist live, with the exception of Joshua Radin, who i happen to stumble upon during a scrubs episode.

He's coming to Oakland on 2/17, If his music strikes a note with you, i'm looking for takers to come with me to the concert =)